An Edmonds Kind of Day

Today I was driving in Edmonds and noticed that it was an Edmonds kind of day. The sun was out, everyone was smiling, there were a lot of runners just enjoying the day. It was just Edmonds. That has nothing to do with this post, I just think that I really like Edmonds. It puts me in a good mood.
Anyway, while I was driving, I heard the song by Steven Curtis Chapman "Dive." I've never really paid much attention to the meaning of this song because it was just a fun song to sing when I was younger.

The long awaited rains
Have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground
And carved their way to where
The wild and rushing river can be found
And like the rains I have been carried here to where the river flows, yeah
My heart is racihng and my knee are weak
As I walk to the edge I know there is not turning back
Once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice
That's telling me it's time to take the leap of faith
So here I go
I'm diving in, I'm going deep in over my head, I want to be
Caught in the rush, lost in the flow, in over my head, I want to go
The river's deep, the river's wide, the river's water is alive
So sink or swim, I'm diving in
There is a supernatural power
In this might river's flow
It can bring the dead to life
And it can fill an empty soul
And give a heart the only thing
Worth living and worth dying for, yeah
But we will never know the awesome power
Of the grace of God
Until we let ourselves get swept away
Into this holy flood
So if you'll take my hand
We'll close our eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let's go

I realized that this song is exactly my life right now with Africa. I "have been carried here to where the river flows." I just thought, God brought me here, so He will obviously carry me the rest of the way. Also it says "in the rush, I hear a voice, telling me to take a leap of faith." This is a huge thing for me, and it's hard because it takes so much faith. But later in the song it says "it can give a heart the only thing worth living and worth dying for. But we will never know the awesome power of the grace of God until we let ourselves get swept away into this holy flood." How cool is that? I will never know how amazing God will be in this situation until I just trust Him with my whole life. And I know I've said before that I want to give Him my life, how hypocritical would that be if now, with the opportunity to give it to Him, I back down because of the lack of faith? He said that it won't be easy to give it to Him but I need to just pick up my cross and do it, just follow Him. And it makes me so much more joyful because this is a hard decision and is taking a lot of faith and so I know that it is good. Because what is right is rarely easy.

Also, I know this is long, but I have one last thought. I heard the Veggie Tales song about The Belly of the Whale from the Jonah movie.
Anyway, it got me to thinking about how Jonah was given an opportunity to serve God but it was hard for him. When he ended up not doing what God asked, his life was unsatisfying because he didn't do what God wanted him to do. God never changes, so if Jonah could end up in a fish for not going to Ninevah, I sure could end up in a fish for not following God's will for my life!

Basically what I'm saying is, yes, it will be incredibly difficult to not go to family camp this summer. But if I stay here, when I'm like 99.9999997% positive that God wants me to go, it would be very unsatisfying to go to family camp and the summer that I thought would be incredible would not be so good if I stayed because I was unable to trust God. So yes I will miss out and it will be hard, but I will have the joy of the Lord because I will be serving and trusting Him, and if I stay, it will be disappointing and I will have wished that I had gone.

Tonight, I will talk to my mom some more, and hopefully I'll have a final decision about this soon!

Where It All Started

Today God made my heart flutter and it really scares me. I think I know what I'm supposed to do this summer. Stefan sent me an email about some friends who do missions work in Africa. When I read it, my heart immediately felt the weirdest feeling of a mixture of fear and completion and joy and disappointment. Let me explain. There are 3 trips to Africa. One is for 2 weeks, one is a summer internship, and the other is a year long internship. I feel like I'm supposed to do the summer one. The fact that I would be gone for over a month in Africa with people I don't know, that's the fear part. The completion part is that I finally feel like this is either close or exactly what God wants me to do. I feel joy because I have that completion and I really like feeling God tug my heart. It just warms me up. But I feel a lot of disappointment because the dates of the internship are June 16 - August 8. For like the first time in my life I would miss family camp. On Tuesday I prayed with Amilyn and one of my prayers was that God would reveal to me what I am supposed do and that if it was during family camp, that He would give me the peace to be able to follow Him, even if it meant giving that up. The trip is $3,850 plus the cost of preparations and hopefully a little spending money, but I feel a lot like God wants this for me. I know the missions work would stretch me but it would be just right for me. We'd even get to go on a safari!!

Here is the link in case you guys want to know more about the possibility of my life this summer:
http://www.thriveafrica.org/getinvolved/summerinternship/